I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
