I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
