I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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