I cannot find my penis.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
