She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
