I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
