he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize