I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
