Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
