I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
