Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
