I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
