just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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