Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
