Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize