the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
