I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
