Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
