pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
