Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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