Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
