Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
