Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
