The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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