What a dumb baby whore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
