amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
