I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
