Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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