My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
