all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
