I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize