I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I will pee on everything he values.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
