Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it because I queefed?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
