Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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