I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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