I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
