just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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