i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
