It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
