When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize