Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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