I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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