I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
