You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
