even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
