4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
