you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
