I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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