the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
