I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
either way he was missing a nipple.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
