Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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