well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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