I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
