I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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