i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
