Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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