my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
