When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize