Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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