I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
